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How can we live in a way that honors God and earns the respect of our neighbors? Romans 14.13-18 shows the way.

Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother's way. As one who is in the Lord Jesus, I am fully convinced that no food is unclean in itself. But if anyone regards something as unclean, then for him it is unclean. If your brother is distressed because of what you eat, you are no longer acting in love. Do not by your eating destroy your brother for whom Christ died. Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil. For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit, because anyone who serves Christ in this way is pleasing to God and approved by men.

First, be nonjudgmental. Everyone makes judgments about spiritual and moral principles, what’s true and false, what’s right and wrong. But judging principles is not the same thing as judging people. And anyway, we should never judge anyone for his or her choices in matters of personal preferences.

But the Christian way goes beyond nonjudgmentalism, which can degenerate into indifference to the needs of our neighbors. No, we must be actively loving. That’s the second step in the Christian way. Paul describes active love in the negative terms of not putting “any stumbling block or obstacle in your brother’s way.” Stated more positively, love removes obstacles. It smoothes the spiritual and moral path for others.

Third, be sensitive in matters of conscience. Paul has a very robust understanding of Christian freedom. There are many things—eating, drinking, etc.—that Christians are free to engage in or abstain from. They are matters of personal preference. But because of his commitment to nonjudgmental love, Paul urges us never to exercise our freedom if that would offend the conscience of another person. If you’re eating with a vegetarian, don’t order a rare steak. (Or if you’re eating with a carnivore, don’t be offended if he does.) Be sensitive to the scruples of others, even if you don’t share them.

Fourth, be mindful of others’ perceptions. Paul says, “Do not allow what you consider good to be spoken of as evil.” We all know Christians who have the right message but the wrong methods. I once saw a Christian woman standing on a street corner yelling the gospel at passersby. I was offended, and I agreed with her. I can’t imagine how many people that day disregarded the message because of the offensiveness of the messenger. Don’t be that person!

Paul concludes his description of the Christian way of doing things by saying, “the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking, but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.” Wherever righteousness, peace, and joy are present, God will be honored and we will earn our neighbors’ respect.